Father's Day Recap

I really wish that you as a dad were able to have a great father’s day with you children. I am still on the high from a fun filled weekend last week. I picked up Connor early on Friday from his friends house and had a surprise in the back of my head that I was not sure if it was spoiling the kid is where I wanted to go down this path but hey what the heck. When Connor was able to see me play hockey a few weeks ago I thought that I should get the kid his own pair of skates. Once Connor got into the car he was telling me about his day being spent at the Denver Mint (I want to go on that tour) and in the middle of him telling me what he saw he asked if we were going to the hockey store? I had promised him that if he was good on the night of my hockey game for me and my girl friend Angie that I would get him a hockey goalie stick, since that is what he loves to play when he is over here at my house. A while ago I bought him some street hockey gear. Anyway I told him yes that he was a good boy that night and we were going to get a stick for him. Once we got to the hockey store, oh what the heck a big shout out to Player’s Bench in Westminster CO, for their great customer service. Connor picked out a stick (of course not the cheapest one) the sales gentleman asked if there was anything else we needed and I told him that I would look at skates for my guy right here. It was a face that could of light up the planet, Connor was a little in shock and it just made my heart melt. Well we got the skates and then what did we do next? Went to McDonald’s before doing what? That is right we were going ice skating that night oh and we also went the next day. I first took Connor ice skating last November and he was a natural at it. Plus he loves to do it and so the next step is well you guessed it HOCKEY.

Sunday for father’s day Connor, Angie, Angie’s dad Bruce, and I went to Colorado Springs to see the “Sky Sox’s” play. The Sky Sox’s are the Colorado Rockies AAA team. I did not know until after recently going to my mom’s side family reunion I have a cousin Erin, who was VERY gracious to get us tickets for the game. Now here are some dad bonus points that I got because of Erin. The team opened up the outfield to the fans so we could play catch with our kids COOL! Prior to getting into the game the team was also giving away baseball mitts for the kids. What a great day at the ball park with Connor. Before we left for the game Connor and Angie gave me a scrap book for father’s day that hey both put together but it is not totally finished yet. Once the pictures are developed from father’s day weekend they can finish it up. So again what a very good weekend and I do have to tell you that Erin made a great impression with Connor because she had this foam finger that she gave to Connor. A year ago for father’s day it was not a good day because I was still thinking I was the victim and this year a total reverse, very happy weekend.

One of the hardest situations to deal with as a divorced dad is when Connor and his mom go on vacation. The reason why it difficult is there is a lack of communication between Connor and I. We don’t talk on the phone when he is gone because he is having a good time and I feel that his mom does not want me to interfere with his fun time. Plus I am aware that he is a momma’s boy and misses her more then me and again I get it because I went through the same thing. This is just one of those things that are very much out of my control. She is the one who raises him and takes care of him 99 percent of the time. So one little piece of advice for you dad’s out there is that your kids are going to miss their mom. Get over it and let it go, please for your health and the kids as well. I do get mad that Connor wants to call his mom during the weekend’s that we are together but they have a special bond that is on a different level and yes it hurts but it is life. Listen guy’s we can all say that we married the wrong person or have regrets about all of this, just think about not having a relationship with your children. We could tell our children how much their mom is what ever, but we don’t and should not ever, EVER tell our kids why we dislike their mom’s. That is not fair to them and that conversation does not need to come up until maybe when they ask and are older to fully understand. Just remember that marriage is all about communication and it is not one way. So again I dislike when Connor is on vacation but I know he is having fun with his family there. Heck he even brought his golf clubs as well.

Lastly I need a favor. Do you belong to some type of club or organization that hires speakers? I have started to speak about my passion and that is going through divorce as a child to an adult and building my relationship and bond with Connor. Please contact me at thomasmaloneyjr@yahoo.com so we can arrange something. Thank you for your help it is very much appreciated.

“Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.”
- H. Jackson Brown Jr.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

I just want to “riff” with you about a goal I had set for 2010. I write besides this blog another one at yesyoucanmotivation.blogspot.com. In that blog this year I wrote all of my goals, and the one I wanted to do more then anything was to spend more time with my son Connor. I was so tired physically and mentally these past two years. I was just drained between going through the divorce in 2008, living in hotels (I will talk about this some more soon), and being out of shape. I missed having a so called normal life where coming home meant a home. Part of 2009 when I came back to Denver for a weekend I had Connor it meant staying in a hotel. I can not tell you what a drag it is to be in a hotel seven days a week. For Connor at first he thought it was great because I always made sure we had a swimming pool, and that is the funny part HE CAN’T SWIM back then. As of this week he has been taking lessons. I hated my life because it was so out of control at the time.

Divorce sucks and I felt like the victim here and I was not it was Connor. I hated life since I could not do the things dads should be doing with their kid’s and the hardest part was that almost a month after I moved out my ex had her boyfriend moved in. I am over it and I understand that I was not the person she wanted to marry. Again I am over it and the advice my mom kept trying to tell me was the negative energy was being wasted. I do believe we all need time to morn a loss, but mine went on way to long. I did not really understand what kind of a burden I was, so it cost me several friendships because again I thought I was the victim.

Well let me tell you that my goal has been achieved and I mean big time achieved. Not only have I spent time at Connor’s school but I have been able to pick him up during the week and yes there are times that he wanted to go home by Saturday. The last entry I wrote was about field day and how much fun I had there getting to meet other parents as well as seeing ones that I knew. I need to tell you this quick story. Connor’s Kindergarten teacher walked by and I said hello to her, she turned to me and asked how Connor was doing and I said great. Here is why I find this now (not last year) funny. I went to school last year for a parent teacher conference and just lost it, meaning I had a bit of a break down and cried (oh and cried) right in front of this wonderful teacher. She knew what was going on as far as the divorce but I was so embarrassed at that moment in time. Anyway I think that is the only way she remembers me is from that prolific day. However these are moments not only for Connor but for me as well. It is better to live those moments then in my past have to hear them on the phone in my hotel room.

The past two Monday’s I have had the opportunity to play hockey and how I have missed it! I was playing at a rink that I had not played at before, so the first game I needed to check out the rink because… This past Monday my girlfriend Angie came to the game also since she is a hockey fan (lucky for me) and she could watch Connor for me as well. Connor and I drove down to the rink and for me the cool thing was that when we got out of the car he wanted to carry my sticks. Ok for some of you it might be sappy but as a dad it was super cool. He hung out with me in the locker room (Angie told me he thought that was cool for him) as I stretched out. It is very funny for me to see Connor and Angie together because it is like watching a brother and a sister (they both have issues with turning lights off and taking their shoes off in my house). Anyway at one point in the game the action was taking place at the other end of the rink so I was watching Connor and he was so focused on the game. I was just lost for a moment seeing him and yes my friends I wanted to cry.

Please understand that with my previous jobs I lost out on so many moments of my son’s life. I still have a voice mail that he left me about making a basket at his basketball game. I have never seen him play basketball, Soccer and I was only at one of his flag football games. We take life for granted to much and forget that life is not a dress rehearsal. After the hockey game (oh and yes we won 3-2 in a shoot out) I said to the team in the locker room, thank you for making that a special night because Connor does not remember the times I played when he was a baby but you know what? He will remember this one.

To all of you parents out there or who have to play either roles or anyone who is a guardian:
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY