HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

I just want to “riff” with you about a goal I had set for 2010. I write besides this blog another one at yesyoucanmotivation.blogspot.com. In that blog this year I wrote all of my goals, and the one I wanted to do more then anything was to spend more time with my son Connor. I was so tired physically and mentally these past two years. I was just drained between going through the divorce in 2008, living in hotels (I will talk about this some more soon), and being out of shape. I missed having a so called normal life where coming home meant a home. Part of 2009 when I came back to Denver for a weekend I had Connor it meant staying in a hotel. I can not tell you what a drag it is to be in a hotel seven days a week. For Connor at first he thought it was great because I always made sure we had a swimming pool, and that is the funny part HE CAN’T SWIM back then. As of this week he has been taking lessons. I hated my life because it was so out of control at the time.

Divorce sucks and I felt like the victim here and I was not it was Connor. I hated life since I could not do the things dads should be doing with their kid’s and the hardest part was that almost a month after I moved out my ex had her boyfriend moved in. I am over it and I understand that I was not the person she wanted to marry. Again I am over it and the advice my mom kept trying to tell me was the negative energy was being wasted. I do believe we all need time to morn a loss, but mine went on way to long. I did not really understand what kind of a burden I was, so it cost me several friendships because again I thought I was the victim.

Well let me tell you that my goal has been achieved and I mean big time achieved. Not only have I spent time at Connor’s school but I have been able to pick him up during the week and yes there are times that he wanted to go home by Saturday. The last entry I wrote was about field day and how much fun I had there getting to meet other parents as well as seeing ones that I knew. I need to tell you this quick story. Connor’s Kindergarten teacher walked by and I said hello to her, she turned to me and asked how Connor was doing and I said great. Here is why I find this now (not last year) funny. I went to school last year for a parent teacher conference and just lost it, meaning I had a bit of a break down and cried (oh and cried) right in front of this wonderful teacher. She knew what was going on as far as the divorce but I was so embarrassed at that moment in time. Anyway I think that is the only way she remembers me is from that prolific day. However these are moments not only for Connor but for me as well. It is better to live those moments then in my past have to hear them on the phone in my hotel room.

The past two Monday’s I have had the opportunity to play hockey and how I have missed it! I was playing at a rink that I had not played at before, so the first game I needed to check out the rink because… This past Monday my girlfriend Angie came to the game also since she is a hockey fan (lucky for me) and she could watch Connor for me as well. Connor and I drove down to the rink and for me the cool thing was that when we got out of the car he wanted to carry my sticks. Ok for some of you it might be sappy but as a dad it was super cool. He hung out with me in the locker room (Angie told me he thought that was cool for him) as I stretched out. It is very funny for me to see Connor and Angie together because it is like watching a brother and a sister (they both have issues with turning lights off and taking their shoes off in my house). Anyway at one point in the game the action was taking place at the other end of the rink so I was watching Connor and he was so focused on the game. I was just lost for a moment seeing him and yes my friends I wanted to cry.

Please understand that with my previous jobs I lost out on so many moments of my son’s life. I still have a voice mail that he left me about making a basket at his basketball game. I have never seen him play basketball, Soccer and I was only at one of his flag football games. We take life for granted to much and forget that life is not a dress rehearsal. After the hockey game (oh and yes we won 3-2 in a shoot out) I said to the team in the locker room, thank you for making that a special night because Connor does not remember the times I played when he was a baby but you know what? He will remember this one.

To all of you parents out there or who have to play either roles or anyone who is a guardian:
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY