A Christmas Story, Hockey. Engagement

The back story goes a little like this. In August of this year I was feeling very down because I hated my life and my work. The work was taking a lot out of me with the travel. This trip was going to be my last because I was tired of being a contractor who had no control of my schedule and the 100 percent travel was no longer a fun pastime. I could see the dark storm clouds around the Denver airport as we were getting to land and as a frequent traveler I knew that there was a good chance we were going to be sitting. The plane stopped about 100 feet from the jet way. Only 100 or so more feet to go and we could get off the plane. Nope. The captain said we would need to wait until the storm moves (I am sure the storm could have hopped into a plane since it WAS at the airport). I was thinking that if this was a Friday and I was to be picking up Connor then I would have been late and well that would of created a argument with his mom. We sat on the plane for an hour and as I sat there I knew I had to make a drastic change in my life.


I took a lot of grief from so called friends and family members for quitting my job in this messed up economy but I did this to be able to spend more time with Connor. My decision paid off in ways that I could not just write about it, you really had to be there. I will do my best to paint the picture of our time together by describing a weekend that started on Thursday, December 15th. If I still had the job and was traveling I would not be sharing this story with you. Yes it might not be a Christmas full of presents because of lack of finances but our time together there is NO price like the commercial talks about.

Connor’s class had a holiday party that afternoon and for me I wished that more dads could have been there. All I see are moms and one dad in this class. After the party was gym class and I normally volunteer in the gym class because I have a blast with the kids and the P.E teacher is very funny. Well Connor’s class was playing this game called planet ball. The kids take several hoola hoops to make them into a planet and the object is to knock them down with a ball (its dodge ball without hitting the kids) and the first team to knock down the other team’s three planets wins. Well the teacher asked if I wanted to play? Oh heck yes. It was fun trying to hit the hoops. Well then my competitive energy got the best of me because our team was losing. Oh the throw was right on target, great speed on it and it just felt so perfect. It was like watching your favorite baseball pitcher placing a 100 MPH fastball right down the batters throat. I felt so bad that the little third grade GIRL did not see the ball coming. I still feel so bad and not sure if I can ever forgive myself. Anyway here is a lesson for dads out there, stay on the sidelines.

Since Connor had Friday off he came home with me Thursday night since we had a full day planned for Friday. First, Connor and I went to Bass Pro Shop to see Santa. This is starting to be one of my new favorite stores because of my girlfriend Ann who is a camping type person and I have starting to enjoy camping as well. Pro Bass has a wonderful set up for Santa but I do miss when they had both Santa and Miss Clause but I guess even Santa has to downside. Connor and I had a great time walking around checking out tents and other camping stuff. Some of those tents were big enough that I would consider selling my house to move into one of those tents (NOT). After that we went to the nursery. I have never had a Christmas tree in my place because I was never home and yes I am a real tree person. This year Connor said we should get one and I had no more excuses. OK so it is smaller than Clark Griswold’s and maybe even smaller then Charlie Brown’s but it is real and has ornaments on it. I am proud of Connor for picking it out and he took the responsibility to water it this weekend. I have the movie “A Christmas Story” and feeling in the festive spirit I wanted to watch it. However, Connor did not because he said that he looked at the back of the box and it looked “scary”. I tried to tell him that it is not scary and that he might enjoy it. He said no and just hung out in his room. So I put the movie in. A few minutes into the movie he came downstairs to proclaim that he was not there to watch the movie but he did. He sat down on the couch next to me and right away started to laugh at the scene where Ralph’s younger brother Randy is eating his dinner like a little piggy. That had Connor hook line and sinker. I now have a new tradition for us and that is to sit and watch the movie together. I see myself in my dad when it comes to movies. I have been “asked” to sit and watch a movie with my dad (even as an adult) and I will admit that my dad knows how to pick some great movies. Well someday I will tell you the story of a little boy who walked out of a movie theater.

Saturday was a fun filled day that started at 6:00 AM to get us boys up for Connor’s hockey game. He was going to have 3 games in two days and this is a sport that he very much enjoys playing. So a fill up of Sunny D and Pop Tarts, the breakfast of champion hockey players around the world and we were off to the rink. The game went well and I wish there was a score but at this level there is no score keeping. But you can bet that the kids know who won and yes the parents know as well. I just tuned it out because I was assigned the task of running the lines and well that was a lot of pressure. Connor did not want to play goalie and this has been concerning me because all he talked about was being a goalie on the team. I wish at times I could get into his head.

After the game it was off to Greeley to spend time with my girlfriend Ann and her two daughters. The plan was to go ice skating because it was almost a year ago that the kids met for the first time at this very ice rink we were heading to and there was going to be a major surprise as well.

Ann and I had picked out rings before Thanksgiving. I’m a bit old fashion when it comes to romance and I had done my due diligence by contacting Ann’s parents to get permission before popping the question. I also spoke to Ann’s oldest daughter too because I felt that she needed to be part of this proposal. My plan was to ask Ann at the ice rink with a great speech (well in my head it was great) about how it was wonderful that the kids bonded right away last year and if that did not occur we would not of been able to move forward with our relationship. Sounds great doesn’t it? Long story short things did not work out as I had planned. I had called the rink ahead of time to make sure they had a sound system and they did. The wireless mic ended up not working and as I stood there with many eyes on us because we were the only ones on the ice so we could have this family moment. Well I said the heck with it and just got down on my knee and pretty much begged for Ann to marry me. She said yes and the three kids hugged and were very happy.

I am very happy that my life is on a better path then it was three years ago. There have been many changes and still many to come. I am looking at a bit of a career change as I keep growing “Tommy Maloney International”, the wedding next year, and learning how to be a parent to girls to just name a few. 2012 is going to be a wonderful year but I also see new challenges not only in business but in life its self. This is not necessarily anything bad but more of a way to make me stronger. From the bottom of my heart I wish I could thank each and every one of you in person for all of your support to my blog. Next year there WILL be a new website and I know you will enjoy what is planned for it.


Please send any comments, concerns or verbal abuse to me and thank you.

(Tommy Maloney is the author of the book “25 Tips for Divorced Dads: How to create special memories and grow your bonds with your children” He can be contacted 303.263.3118 or thomasmaloneyjr@yahoo.com)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

I am very sorry that I have not posted anything (OK stop with the emails).  I have backed off because I am a very emotional type person.  What does that mean really?  I have been told from several people that I am to open in what I post and since this is about Connor and I that maybe I need to keep more of our personal life well personal. 

I know that during this time of the drama I am going through with Connor's mom and the child custody that yes I will not put out as much information until it is over.  All I do ask is to PLEASE think happy thoughts that Connor and I get to stay together in THIS state. 

OK on with the show.

Connor is in full swing of hockey season and me as a assistant/goalie coach.  I am not used to hearing kids call me coach, it is very strange.  I just like to be called Tommy and not coach.  If you have not ever experienced youth hockey I will give you some insides to it.  The thing to really point out is the times the kids have either their games or practice and that is well VERY EARLY.  The time can begin as early as 6 AM (yes that is in the morning) and think about the fact how EARLY the kids need to be up as well.  Yes there have been the times and not just Connor but many of the kids who need to complain how EARLY and TIRED they are.  Then again when they are done they have some of the biggest smiles on their faces. 

Connor had asked me to coach last season and I just did not think that for his first year it would be a good idea.  I promised him that I would and I kept to my promise this season.  I call myself the UN-official goalie coach of the team and it works well.  I am learning a lot from not only Connors coaches about skating drills but watching the other coaches interact with the kids.  Connor's group are all under the age of 8 and these coaches have such a strong desire to help each and every one of these kids not just be better skaters but these coaches are teaching the kids how to be better people.  The basics of being on a team and treating each other like you want to be treated.  Connor's team has had two team bonding events.  It is not just about the kids bonding but it is also about the parents too.  I am such a people person and want to know more about the kids parents and how their kids wanted to play hockey.  I am not sure if I will be back coaching next year depending on the personal issues but I do know that I will stay in contact with many of these parents to hear how they kids are doing.

What have Connor and I been up to lately?  Very glad you have asked.  During the Thanksgiving break we took a family road trip to Santa Fe New Mexico.  OK family trip??  I have been dating Ann for over a year now and we had her two daughters as well for the trip.  WOW what a great time we all had during that trip.  The kids all hung out together in the pool and they looked and even acted like brother and sisters.  It was very fun to watch these two girls fight for Connors attention, oh he is going to break hearts as he gets older.  We took a trip to Albuquerque on Thanksgiving day but the only places that were open was a local Starbucks (yes we went in) and a winery (no we did not stop in there).  Even though the town was pretty much closed down we still had a fun time being together.  We left there and headed back to Santa Fe so the kids could go and spend more time in the pool before heading out to dinner.  SO where did we eat?  OK we are a family on a budget but wanted to create a memory or more and I do hope this trips stays in the kids memory banks.  Dinner was NOT at a 5 star but a well cafeteria.  There is a chain of these cafeteria's called Fur's and well the best part was that the kids (and the adults, I mean Ann) were able to pick what they wanted to eat.  Connor had ham and Ann's youngest had fried chicken, how cool is that where you do not need to eat a traditional meal??!!  I LOVED the time we were all together and wish that it had lasted even longer.

I do want to close and say THANK YOU to everyone of you who have taken the time to read this and my other blog (kidsneedtheirdadstoo.blogspot.com).  My new website (yes we have heard this before but I mean it this time) is going to house the blogs but we are looking at sometime in January for that.  Have a great holiday season and I will have some big news coming out very soon so please come back.  You do not know what it truly means to know that you have read this so again Thank you and please let me know how you are doing.

Have a day,

Tommy

Stressed out to the max dude.

When the next dictionary comes out please look up the word stress and you will see my picture there. I can for the most part hide it very well but lately I have become a piece of rock that has weathered and is starting to crumble. It is ironic because in some of my past training jobs I have taught stress management and now the teacher needs to be the student.




I was emotionally drained by this past August due to the travel schedule I had at the time. It was well, stressing me out to the max dude. My weight was an issue as well. I needed to make a drastic change so I left my job. Ok not the smartest move but what’s done is done.



Currently Connor has been playing hockey for almost a month now and as of this coming weekend he has to go through evaluations. What this means is that the kids in his group and another group with spend two hours on the ice going through drills. Once this weekend is over then he is placed on a team. Here is where my stress level is rising. Not only was I first told that Connor could be a goalie, that story has now changed. When you have a passion for something and have those taken away it is going to hurt. Now I need to tell an 8 year old boy that he might play his favorite position but not as much as we were promised. Plus I really want him to have fun this weekend even though he is aware that he is being judged. I am not a fan of politics when it comes to youth sports because it takes away the purity of not only the sports but from the kids as well. I really wanted to coach this year but….



The last piece of my stressful world and please understand I am normally an open book but I need to keep this very limited on the detail information. Connor’s mom wants to move out of state and that is why the stress level in my body is at all time high these days. I keep replaying the court scene from “Mrs. Doubtfire.” I am at a loss these days on why would someone want to remove a child from a loving situation that I have with my son? I pray that none of you parents have to go through this anguish and the world of the unknowing.



When you think that your words are not being read it is like getting a bonus present for your birthday when you do get a response. I received a wonderful email from Sarah who was very kind to reach out and offer me advice about the last posting. I had missed my son’s presentation and was very well, PISSED at myself for failing my son. Sarah wrote my son encouraging words along with what to do in the “now.” One thing she told me to do was to get the movie “Despicable Me” because it pertained to what I had done by missing my son’s presentation. In two weeks when I pick Connor up we will go and get that movie. Thank you Sarah for caring about some stranger here in Denver, Colorado and understanding my pain.



Comments, concerns or verbal abuse send them to me please and thank you.



(Tommy Maloney is the author of the book “25 Tips for Divorced Dads: How to create special memories and grow your bonds with your children” He can be contacted 303.263.3118 or thomasmaloneyjr@yahoo.com)

Relocation (I pray it is NOT)

I have seen and heard many stories of bad divorces where the children get placed into the middle. I USED to be grateful that my divorce was amicable and not having to go through the court system, until now. Being Connors dad I want the best (like most parents) for him and never wanted his world to be rocked because of disagreements between his mother and me. All of this has changed.




Monday morning I received an email from my former wife that she wants to relocate out of state. I never saw this coming and nor did I EVER think this was going to happen! I feel that I am about to loose my son. This is not going to be a easy time for Connor or me because if he does move or not move.



If I he does move the whole getting to see him is going to be a challenge. If he does not move is he going to hate me? I will keep you posted.



HOCKEY



I am so proud of watching Connor learning and playing goalie this season. Plus the head coach has asked me to help Connor and the other goalie so a win/win. I love getting to be on the ice with the kids and the other coaches. I hope this will be the year that I get my USA Hockey coaching card. When I meet dads and they talk about coaching their kids in a variety of sports, I could not relate until now. I think it is so cool to be able to be a mentor to my son and I guess for me it was a more of a jealous thing. What I mean is that I watched other dads coach and be able to create a special bond that kids do not forget. If this is the only season I get to coach Connor it will always be a special time for me. If it is last then I know that next hockey season I will still help out the coaches. I just pray that this is not my last coaching chance with Connor.



Comments, questions or verbal abuse send them to me @ thomasmaloneyjr@yahoo.com

Messing up and getting to hear about it.

WHOLLY CRAP I 100 percent screwed up yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!! Connor was to do a book report presentation and I did not go. I have been telling him that I was going to be there and I F’ED UP big time. When you forget to do something how do you resolve it? I pride myself on being there for Connor and of course I get to hear it from his mom of how a bad dad I am.




I want to talk about how you handle your self confidence as a parent? I was talking to one of my best friends yesterday about his relationship with his step daughter and the fact that she has essentially two dads. I am sure it is hard in a marriage where one parent feels that they are better at parenting instead of creating a co-parent environment. My self confidence was and still threatened because well I was told that my parenting skills were lack since I am an only child and never baby sat. Again what do you do to create a positive environment for your kids? With my friend Jim he has had to understand his role as a step dad and to understand that his parenting skills are different then his wife and her former husband. I was once told that I could never be a leadership trainer because I have never had direct reports so therefore I did not have the experience to be successful in that role. The point I want to make is that can you maintain self confidence when you are faced with negativity because you either lack experience or that your spouse essential “knows best.”



I still can not believe that I messed up and missed Connor’s presentation. This is why I left my training job so I would not miss out on things like this. I do not want to undermine his feelings because he will forgive me but I do not deserve to be forgiven. I will keep you posted on how my begging for his mercy goes.

I'm back!!!!!!!!!

On December 6, 2010 I posted that all of the blogging stuff was going to the new website, well it did not happen due to investing money into a site that will not see the light of day; more on that later. I  had many changes in my life since the last posting and want to take the time to talk to you about them.




In 2010 I was still out of work until February of this year and well as of today back to being out of work. I would actually say then the employment situation did not really change a whole heck a lot. What has changed is that I have been dating someone and she has two daughters. I did not know how this was going to workout with Connor and having a relationship where other kids are also involved. To see if the kids would get along my girlfriend Ann and I met at a outdoor skating rink to see how all of us would interact with each other. I am very HAPPY to say that the experiment worked. Today the kids get along like brother and sisters.



My goal is to run my own business, hold on let me rephrase that and say my goal is to own a successful and profitable business. I am learning that my brain is very right sided (creative side) VS the left side (analytical). This means that I am not a business minded person rather the creative focus or as some would say the “dreamer.” My investment into a new website has come up empty and not going to go into many details other to say I know what I am good at. I am good at keeping things simple and that is why I am comfortable using this Blogger site then a Word Press site. Will there ever be a true website? Yes once I can fund it and have control over it. The same attitude goes when it comes to a Face Book page again wanting it to be done the right way. The right way to me is having knowledgeable people design it. Ok so we now know that I am not a business minded person and yes I am the one person I think still left that does not have a FB account. Moving on.



The new hockey season has started for Connor and that is AWESOME because this means that I get to see him pretty much every weekend until the end of the season and that is around March. What is not awesome but only bothers me because I was lied to and really it is only my business since this change somewhat effects Connor. Last week Connor told me that his mom is getting remarried next month. I had asked her months ago about why she and the boyfriend were wearing rings on fingers? I asked if they were engaged and I was screamed at about how she did not want to get married again. Again being lied to was what really (really) bothered me. Connor and I sat down to talk about if he had any questions or wanted to say anything at all about his mom getting married. He said he was good and I believe him. Anyway HOCKEY!!!!



46 hours every other weekend is not a lot of time to spend with Connor and I will do my best to share ideas of what we have done to make that time quality time. I do not want to be accused of being a “Disneyland dad” but once in a while it is ok. Plus I want to offer tips either from myself or other dads on how they spend time with their kids. I will promise that I will make this blog better then it was before a sort of 2.0 version and I do want to make it very interactive with you as well. The fire is in me to post and I do dream that this will be a stepping stone to help others and make a reality of coming to your area to speak on dads topics or co-parenting as well. As always thank you for stopping by and reading my post. Please let me know your thoughts about the blog.