Stressed out to the max dude.

When the next dictionary comes out please look up the word stress and you will see my picture there. I can for the most part hide it very well but lately I have become a piece of rock that has weathered and is starting to crumble. It is ironic because in some of my past training jobs I have taught stress management and now the teacher needs to be the student.




I was emotionally drained by this past August due to the travel schedule I had at the time. It was well, stressing me out to the max dude. My weight was an issue as well. I needed to make a drastic change so I left my job. Ok not the smartest move but what’s done is done.



Currently Connor has been playing hockey for almost a month now and as of this coming weekend he has to go through evaluations. What this means is that the kids in his group and another group with spend two hours on the ice going through drills. Once this weekend is over then he is placed on a team. Here is where my stress level is rising. Not only was I first told that Connor could be a goalie, that story has now changed. When you have a passion for something and have those taken away it is going to hurt. Now I need to tell an 8 year old boy that he might play his favorite position but not as much as we were promised. Plus I really want him to have fun this weekend even though he is aware that he is being judged. I am not a fan of politics when it comes to youth sports because it takes away the purity of not only the sports but from the kids as well. I really wanted to coach this year but….



The last piece of my stressful world and please understand I am normally an open book but I need to keep this very limited on the detail information. Connor’s mom wants to move out of state and that is why the stress level in my body is at all time high these days. I keep replaying the court scene from “Mrs. Doubtfire.” I am at a loss these days on why would someone want to remove a child from a loving situation that I have with my son? I pray that none of you parents have to go through this anguish and the world of the unknowing.



When you think that your words are not being read it is like getting a bonus present for your birthday when you do get a response. I received a wonderful email from Sarah who was very kind to reach out and offer me advice about the last posting. I had missed my son’s presentation and was very well, PISSED at myself for failing my son. Sarah wrote my son encouraging words along with what to do in the “now.” One thing she told me to do was to get the movie “Despicable Me” because it pertained to what I had done by missing my son’s presentation. In two weeks when I pick Connor up we will go and get that movie. Thank you Sarah for caring about some stranger here in Denver, Colorado and understanding my pain.



Comments, concerns or verbal abuse send them to me please and thank you.



(Tommy Maloney is the author of the book “25 Tips for Divorced Dads: How to create special memories and grow your bonds with your children” He can be contacted 303.263.3118 or thomasmaloneyjr@yahoo.com)

Relocation (I pray it is NOT)

I have seen and heard many stories of bad divorces where the children get placed into the middle. I USED to be grateful that my divorce was amicable and not having to go through the court system, until now. Being Connors dad I want the best (like most parents) for him and never wanted his world to be rocked because of disagreements between his mother and me. All of this has changed.




Monday morning I received an email from my former wife that she wants to relocate out of state. I never saw this coming and nor did I EVER think this was going to happen! I feel that I am about to loose my son. This is not going to be a easy time for Connor or me because if he does move or not move.



If I he does move the whole getting to see him is going to be a challenge. If he does not move is he going to hate me? I will keep you posted.



HOCKEY



I am so proud of watching Connor learning and playing goalie this season. Plus the head coach has asked me to help Connor and the other goalie so a win/win. I love getting to be on the ice with the kids and the other coaches. I hope this will be the year that I get my USA Hockey coaching card. When I meet dads and they talk about coaching their kids in a variety of sports, I could not relate until now. I think it is so cool to be able to be a mentor to my son and I guess for me it was a more of a jealous thing. What I mean is that I watched other dads coach and be able to create a special bond that kids do not forget. If this is the only season I get to coach Connor it will always be a special time for me. If it is last then I know that next hockey season I will still help out the coaches. I just pray that this is not my last coaching chance with Connor.



Comments, questions or verbal abuse send them to me @ thomasmaloneyjr@yahoo.com

Messing up and getting to hear about it.

WHOLLY CRAP I 100 percent screwed up yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!! Connor was to do a book report presentation and I did not go. I have been telling him that I was going to be there and I F’ED UP big time. When you forget to do something how do you resolve it? I pride myself on being there for Connor and of course I get to hear it from his mom of how a bad dad I am.




I want to talk about how you handle your self confidence as a parent? I was talking to one of my best friends yesterday about his relationship with his step daughter and the fact that she has essentially two dads. I am sure it is hard in a marriage where one parent feels that they are better at parenting instead of creating a co-parent environment. My self confidence was and still threatened because well I was told that my parenting skills were lack since I am an only child and never baby sat. Again what do you do to create a positive environment for your kids? With my friend Jim he has had to understand his role as a step dad and to understand that his parenting skills are different then his wife and her former husband. I was once told that I could never be a leadership trainer because I have never had direct reports so therefore I did not have the experience to be successful in that role. The point I want to make is that can you maintain self confidence when you are faced with negativity because you either lack experience or that your spouse essential “knows best.”



I still can not believe that I messed up and missed Connor’s presentation. This is why I left my training job so I would not miss out on things like this. I do not want to undermine his feelings because he will forgive me but I do not deserve to be forgiven. I will keep you posted on how my begging for his mercy goes.

I'm back!!!!!!!!!

On December 6, 2010 I posted that all of the blogging stuff was going to the new website, well it did not happen due to investing money into a site that will not see the light of day; more on that later. I  had many changes in my life since the last posting and want to take the time to talk to you about them.




In 2010 I was still out of work until February of this year and well as of today back to being out of work. I would actually say then the employment situation did not really change a whole heck a lot. What has changed is that I have been dating someone and she has two daughters. I did not know how this was going to workout with Connor and having a relationship where other kids are also involved. To see if the kids would get along my girlfriend Ann and I met at a outdoor skating rink to see how all of us would interact with each other. I am very HAPPY to say that the experiment worked. Today the kids get along like brother and sisters.



My goal is to run my own business, hold on let me rephrase that and say my goal is to own a successful and profitable business. I am learning that my brain is very right sided (creative side) VS the left side (analytical). This means that I am not a business minded person rather the creative focus or as some would say the “dreamer.” My investment into a new website has come up empty and not going to go into many details other to say I know what I am good at. I am good at keeping things simple and that is why I am comfortable using this Blogger site then a Word Press site. Will there ever be a true website? Yes once I can fund it and have control over it. The same attitude goes when it comes to a Face Book page again wanting it to be done the right way. The right way to me is having knowledgeable people design it. Ok so we now know that I am not a business minded person and yes I am the one person I think still left that does not have a FB account. Moving on.



The new hockey season has started for Connor and that is AWESOME because this means that I get to see him pretty much every weekend until the end of the season and that is around March. What is not awesome but only bothers me because I was lied to and really it is only my business since this change somewhat effects Connor. Last week Connor told me that his mom is getting remarried next month. I had asked her months ago about why she and the boyfriend were wearing rings on fingers? I asked if they were engaged and I was screamed at about how she did not want to get married again. Again being lied to was what really (really) bothered me. Connor and I sat down to talk about if he had any questions or wanted to say anything at all about his mom getting married. He said he was good and I believe him. Anyway HOCKEY!!!!



46 hours every other weekend is not a lot of time to spend with Connor and I will do my best to share ideas of what we have done to make that time quality time. I do not want to be accused of being a “Disneyland dad” but once in a while it is ok. Plus I want to offer tips either from myself or other dads on how they spend time with their kids. I will promise that I will make this blog better then it was before a sort of 2.0 version and I do want to make it very interactive with you as well. The fire is in me to post and I do dream that this will be a stepping stone to help others and make a reality of coming to your area to speak on dads topics or co-parenting as well. As always thank you for stopping by and reading my post. Please let me know your thoughts about the blog.