2 Lows in 1 day.

I am still in shock of what transpired today and with that I also had to break my son’s heart. I want to call this a day of highs and lows but right now as I struggle to finish up homework, today was a low day for me. I do not like to see Connor cry when it comes to his feelings on the inside VS when he is tired and in a crabby mood. When he cry’s because he is sad I am sad for him and what he has had to go through because of not just the divorce but in my opinion and observation of the instability in his life.

In the past month I have had to go through several hoops during the interview process of one company. You currently may or may not know I am trying to venture out on my own as an inspirational speaker, talking about my trials and tribulations of divorce. I have been actually doing well booking talks and getting not only the experience of this speech I have created but the chance to hear other’s telling me their story as well. This past week I had another interview and my mind set has been the fact of really not caring because my passion is all about my new business right now in time. Yesterday I was offered the job after all of this and was not very excited about being on the road again. I love spending time with Connor and these days of sleeping in my own bed is a major bonus as well. Well I asked how long I had to think about this offer and was told that my decision had to be made by close of business today Friday July 23, 2010. There were some issues with how this company handled their travel arrangements that I did not feel comfortable with. I consulted with my mom and we both felt that this travel issue would be a deal breaker so I contacted the company early today to inform them of my decision of thank you for the offer but I will pass on the job. I think the Human Resources person was taken off guard because they seemed a bit shock that I was saying no to them.

I made my case and valid points of why I would not be accepting their offer and was waiting for the response of well ok or even to the extreme of having the HR person hang up on me. Listen I have NEVER had the confidence to negotiate or ever be in a position to negotiate but today was different and really I did not think I was really negotiating but just being honest of the travel situation. Well the HR person said that they are going to see what could be done for me. So even after I said no and I said it a lot they still wanted to hire me. I was now told by the HR person that they will look into this and see what can be done to get me on board for this project. I kept thinking that my demands would NEVER be met and I could focus today on getting my group project for school done and this would be the end of me ever hearing back from this company. Oh Boy was I in for a surprise.

I was heading home from a meeting with my marketing guru Chris K to discuss where I am in my bookings of my talks and a status update of things I was working on for him to help me be more marketable. When my cell phone rang I looked at the number and did recognize it and yes it was my new HR best friend. I had a smile on my face as I was getting ready to hear the words come out of their mouth of something like “sorry but we are not going to change our current policy so thank you for your interest and best of luck” or something to that effect, or even heck I would have been happy with go BLANK yourself. I was not expecting the words of “good news we are going to accept your travel requirements, so how does that sound?” HUH????!!!!!! I was in shock and it got to the point where I was speechless, me, a trainer of going on 13 years and now and a speaker, is now SPEECHLESS! I now had to give them an answer but if it worked once I could simply ask again for time to think about it, yes again HR could not understand I needed time. I was allotted 30 minutes to give a final answer. Ok you might be asking why I could not just give a yes or no right then and their. I first had to speak to my mom and get her help and finally if I did say yes I wanted to talk to Connor in person. Why do I need approval from a seven year old? This outcome would impact his life as well and he deserves to hear from me why I made this decision for us. My mom and I both agreed that the money is currently needed for my finances. Plus I again will save for when the day comes the project is over to be able to build upon what I have already began towards the business.

I now knew what my final decision was going to be so therefore I had to first tell Connor that daddy was going to be back on the road for sometime and I could not take him to hockey. I went to the house where he is watched during the day and he was actually getting ready to get in his mom’s car and well this was NOT good timing to deal with her. I asked if I could speak to Connor and took him across the street on the other side of my car so I could give him the news and once I said that daddy was going to be back on the road, he started to cry. I hate doing this but he says he understood but it will become clearer once he gets his new hockey equipment in a week because this new job I will tell him helping pay for it.

I should be happy that this job has been offered to me but could you? This not only is going to be a job that will create a burning desire of NEVER EVER having to go through this again and by that I mean to set my goal of being a well paid speaker and traveling on days I want to travel. I do not want to hurt Connor like this ever again because I can not control my destiny and I hope that made sense. I am going to again ask for your help by helping me achieve my goal so please I would enjoy very much coming to your place of work, group, and even your house so I can keep getting my message to the masses. Please send me an email at thomasmaloneyjr@yahoo.com. I want to thank you in advance and as Connor would say “do it for the children” it is funnier when he says it.

Day 4 of Chicago tour 2010 a little bit of chillaxing

I need to work on my time management skills so I can have homework done in the morning and that would give me more time to get my blog posted. That way I am not going to bed at 1 AM every night. Well enough of that today was a Chilllaxing day. It was over 100 degrees and plus the humidity so we just stayed in the crib and chilled and relaxed=chillaxing. Connor has never seen the movie “Wizard of Oz” so we watched that today and that was it as far as entertainment today. My dad, Connor, and I ate at a pizza (I know pizza in Chicago?) place that we went to a couple of times last year called Rocco’s. We all had thin crust pizza and I did not think it was as good as I remembered it from last year. Then when we came home Connor was ready for bed, I guess he needed the day off of doing stuff as well. The movie that my dad, his girl friend, and I watched was a classic one that I have never seen but always wanted to “12 Angry Men.” Please go out and buy this movie because it has such a great cast so just do it and as Connor would say “Do it for the children” I have no clue why he says it but it is funny when he does. Well yes I am still VERY sun burnt so thank you for asking. Well Friday Connor and I are headed to see the Cub’s play so looking forward to that. Nothing like true baseball on the North side of Chicago and yes I am currently aware that the Cubs as of today are 9.5 games out and that south side team is in first. However there is still baseball to be played. So until Friday night when I write how great the game was and how the Cub’s won later.

Chicago world tour 2010 To much sun

All I can say right now is OUCH!! I made sure Connor had plenty of sun screen today on for day three of the Chicago 2010 vacation and well I must of forgotten to put some on me. Today we headed to Woodstock Illinois to see my Aunt Nancy and her husband David. Oh and if you do read this please leave a birthday wish for Nancy because Thursday is her birthday. I also need to mention something about Woodstock (no not Snoopy’s friend) and that is this; the movie Groundhog Day was filmed there so there you go a little trivia for you to impress your friends. Well Connor was up around 9 AM with his swim suit and his swim shirt on as well. I told him that we were not leaving for another hour and I still needed to shower and get dressed, oh the world of being a kid. It was like a Christmas morning for him to be able to spend time in the pool. Nancy has a slide for the pool and Connor wanted to do that by him self this year so he was ready to get on the road for all of the excitement that would be in-store for him today. Did I mention yes that I am really sun burnt right now? Well that is really all we did today was spend the WHOLE day in the pool and I am nor REALLY sun burnt right now but I do have a goat of aloe on me but not helping currently. Anyway that is all I really have for today other then, well you know. Tomorrow it will depend on the weather but maybe a trip to The Bean in Millennium Park and hopefully by then the water that is in my ear will be gone. If you will please excuse me I need to lay down now and relax it was a very hard relaxing SUNNY day if you know what I mean.

Chicago 2010 day two

Day two and that Mad Men marathon was my Achilles heal. Stayed up until 1 AM watching it and was hoping to sleep in some. Well when a 7 year old wants to get to the Chicago Lego store because he was promised LAST YEAR well there is no such thing as sleep. Well my dad made us breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast because we were going to go for a good walk today. Chicago in the Summer time is great to people watch but OMG Connor wanted a piggy back ride in this heat. So as I was giving Connor his piggy back ride we got to a beach part near the famous Oak Street beach, and he wanted to go a look for rocks. The water was cold but he did not care. Plus it was a great little break for him. Well once we arrived to the Lego store Connor was on a mission to find the right set. It really did not take him long to find a $130 set (courtesy of grand pa) but it was to big to fit in a suite case so we had it shipped. Connor selected a train set and I can not wait for him and me to work on it back home. He said that he will do the whole thing all by himself so we will see what happens in a couple of weeks when we are together again. After we were in the Lego store we found a store where I could get some Chicago Blackhawks stuff and boy did I. Connor got a new Patrick Kane jersey and a Blackhawks wallet, and yes his grandfather and I put some money in it to start his dollar bill collection. Finally after shopping we headed back home and I needed a little nap. Dad barbequed burgers for Connor and me while my dad and his girl friend Rosie had Salmon burgers. 8:55 PM we were on a bus to go and get ice cream, no really it is home made stuff. Well over all I have eaten WAY to much and I have a bet with Connor that if I gain weight this week he will get five dollars. I might as well pay him in the morning.

Chicago Day 1

Landed in Chicago, Connor and I had uneventful trip. However that kid is just full of life and energy. We took a SUV limo ride to my dad’s and WOW our driver Charles is like the Donald Trump of businesses. He has the limo business as well as; boat tour and handy man business. Connor spent time watching for different out of state license plates. Once we arrived to the apartment I was told that my one and only selfish act of one thing I wanted to do was approved. My dad would take me to this pizza place called Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinder, and the pizza is a true pizza pie. If you ever get the chance please go and try the half pounder. Anyway Connor had a salad and a half pounder and he liked it. I was so proud of him to try new things.

Anyway the evening was a walk back to the apartment with a stop at MC Donald’s for some ice cream. What a good first day here in my home city as I am watching the AMC channel that is doing a “Mad Men” marathon, a show I have never seen but now I am hooked. Tomorrow going to walk along Lake Michigan, Millennium park, Lego store and to see The Bean.

Talk to you tomorrow.

CHICAGO 2010 Day before

Ok well here we go, it is the Chicago World Tour 2010 and right now I just finished up some home work and getting ready to go to bed so I can get up early and pack. Yes I did just type I have not fully packed just yet. I had to help get some music on Connors digital Walkman and that was a chore times 10 but it is done. I am going to write everyday next week to give you an inside look well sort of how each day is going and the highs and lows of each day as well. I will also Tweet some stuff out as well and to see my Tweets I am @motivationbytdm

Later and get ready for the ride of your life.

Tommy

Part Time Dad

There are times when I feel like a part time dad and does it make me less of a parent? Let me toss this statistic I learned while doing research for my speaking talks these days. In a marriage if a man leaves the women then it takes the women 5 years to recover. Now if the woman leaves the man it takes the man 10 years to recover. Listen I have better things to worry about and focus on then being dumped and trying to analyze where the marriage went wrong. So back to my point though because here is something that I would rather focus on and that is trying to be a better dad.

This weekend became another time spent with my son Connor having arguments about not wanting to stay at my house the whole time and the constant whining (him not me). I have written about this before about communication between you and you kid (s). One day Connor asked why I don’t call him everyday and I said that I did not think he wanted to talk everyday because there are times he would tell me he has nothing to say and we hang up. He said that he wants me to call everyday and so I do really try. He and his mother went to the state of cheese (no not California) for a week and I only received two calls while they were gone. I know why don’t I call him then? Well his mother and I have set a standard when they are on vacation and that is when Connor wants to talk to me they will call me. I have said this before and I understand that he is a “momma’s boy” and I understand that I have been relegated to a “part time dad” since I only have him every other weekend. I have also learned that anything longer then a Friday to Sunday is like a year to a seven year old.

I was so excited the day a friend Denise whose dog had a litter of puppies and was coming to the house with “Blackie” an Australian Shepherded. We had a Boxer named “Madison” that turned out to be more of an “A” personality then my ex wife. Funny story (well to me it is) was that my ex wife was at the top of the stairs and Madison was at the bottom, Madison looked at my ex and just stood there and peed. I still laugh because the ex picked out Madison and thought that this was going to be her dog. Well it turned out Madison and I were bonding better but unfortunately the human “A” personality determined that Madison had to go, and she ended up going to a very good home off of a golf course and a family who had Boxer’s before. So I was hoping that “Blackie” would be my dog. Well Blackie was so sweet the day she came to the house and we all fell in Love with her and so Blackie stayed but the name went bye to “Keewee.” I bring this story up because I am less then a part time dog owner these days. I actually have Keewee here with me this week and it means a lot to me to be able to still bond with her. She is the dog I always wanted because just like when I was a stay at home dad and I would take Connor with me every place, Keewee and I did the same. She is so sweet and very protective of Connor and that bond is so strong when you see how crazy Keewee can get if Connor is out of her site. I at times miss these so called “full time jobs” in my life.

I am at a loss and I try to think about the times I would visit my dad on weekends. I do remember that my dad had the patience of a saint when we would go to the local FAO Schwartz toy store as he stood there while I would try and choose one new toy car or airplane for the weekend to play with. I try and use those moments with Connor but lately to me it just seems I am not only loosing the battle but the war. Then the out-come will be that he will refuse to come and see me and I do not want that to happen. This weekend I had to take away his street hockey goalie equipment away because he and I got into an argument and I had to send him to his room. Then that lead to him not listening to me when I told him to go back into his room until I said it is ok to come out. Well he ended up having to stay in his room for two hours on Saturday. Like I said, this has been a recurrence the weekends we are together because there are times I feel in his head I am going to let him get away with his attitude but when reality sets in he is wrong and wants to go back home.

This is why I feel that I am just a part timer these days as a parent. I remember having part time jobs and when you go back to work you miss out on information because you are not there on a consistence basis day in and out. I was the one who was asked to move out of the house and I might be paranoid but I think Connor thinks that this was my idea. Like I said it is just my imagination but by not being in his life physically day in and out I miss out on stuff that to full time parents would take for granted. If you are reading this as a full time parent then hug your spouse, your kids, your family pet’s, and even your friends. Why your friends? When you get divorced there is something called “Community Divorce” and that means your friends will take sides and believe me they will take sides. If you are even thinking that life would be better divorced please think again. I truly do miss just being with Connor everyday and it was even worse when I traveled for work. I implore you to think about it first and yes I will admit that I am happy but only because I am not married to someone but as a parent there is no greater reward then seeing my son everyday.

I am looking forward to this month where I will be giving several talks on “beingconnorsdad” and this is what I want to do as my job but not at all part time, this is what I want to do full time just like being Connor’s dad and Keewee’s as well (yes I can be her dad as well). If you want me to talk to your group please contact me at thomasmaloneyjr@yahoo.com. Now if you would excuse me I have my dog to take out and yes I do even miss that just like Connor’s AM feedings you know when I was a full time dad.