Part Time Dad

There are times when I feel like a part time dad and does it make me less of a parent? Let me toss this statistic I learned while doing research for my speaking talks these days. In a marriage if a man leaves the women then it takes the women 5 years to recover. Now if the woman leaves the man it takes the man 10 years to recover. Listen I have better things to worry about and focus on then being dumped and trying to analyze where the marriage went wrong. So back to my point though because here is something that I would rather focus on and that is trying to be a better dad.

This weekend became another time spent with my son Connor having arguments about not wanting to stay at my house the whole time and the constant whining (him not me). I have written about this before about communication between you and you kid (s). One day Connor asked why I don’t call him everyday and I said that I did not think he wanted to talk everyday because there are times he would tell me he has nothing to say and we hang up. He said that he wants me to call everyday and so I do really try. He and his mother went to the state of cheese (no not California) for a week and I only received two calls while they were gone. I know why don’t I call him then? Well his mother and I have set a standard when they are on vacation and that is when Connor wants to talk to me they will call me. I have said this before and I understand that he is a “momma’s boy” and I understand that I have been relegated to a “part time dad” since I only have him every other weekend. I have also learned that anything longer then a Friday to Sunday is like a year to a seven year old.

I was so excited the day a friend Denise whose dog had a litter of puppies and was coming to the house with “Blackie” an Australian Shepherded. We had a Boxer named “Madison” that turned out to be more of an “A” personality then my ex wife. Funny story (well to me it is) was that my ex wife was at the top of the stairs and Madison was at the bottom, Madison looked at my ex and just stood there and peed. I still laugh because the ex picked out Madison and thought that this was going to be her dog. Well it turned out Madison and I were bonding better but unfortunately the human “A” personality determined that Madison had to go, and she ended up going to a very good home off of a golf course and a family who had Boxer’s before. So I was hoping that “Blackie” would be my dog. Well Blackie was so sweet the day she came to the house and we all fell in Love with her and so Blackie stayed but the name went bye to “Keewee.” I bring this story up because I am less then a part time dog owner these days. I actually have Keewee here with me this week and it means a lot to me to be able to still bond with her. She is the dog I always wanted because just like when I was a stay at home dad and I would take Connor with me every place, Keewee and I did the same. She is so sweet and very protective of Connor and that bond is so strong when you see how crazy Keewee can get if Connor is out of her site. I at times miss these so called “full time jobs” in my life.

I am at a loss and I try to think about the times I would visit my dad on weekends. I do remember that my dad had the patience of a saint when we would go to the local FAO Schwartz toy store as he stood there while I would try and choose one new toy car or airplane for the weekend to play with. I try and use those moments with Connor but lately to me it just seems I am not only loosing the battle but the war. Then the out-come will be that he will refuse to come and see me and I do not want that to happen. This weekend I had to take away his street hockey goalie equipment away because he and I got into an argument and I had to send him to his room. Then that lead to him not listening to me when I told him to go back into his room until I said it is ok to come out. Well he ended up having to stay in his room for two hours on Saturday. Like I said, this has been a recurrence the weekends we are together because there are times I feel in his head I am going to let him get away with his attitude but when reality sets in he is wrong and wants to go back home.

This is why I feel that I am just a part timer these days as a parent. I remember having part time jobs and when you go back to work you miss out on information because you are not there on a consistence basis day in and out. I was the one who was asked to move out of the house and I might be paranoid but I think Connor thinks that this was my idea. Like I said it is just my imagination but by not being in his life physically day in and out I miss out on stuff that to full time parents would take for granted. If you are reading this as a full time parent then hug your spouse, your kids, your family pet’s, and even your friends. Why your friends? When you get divorced there is something called “Community Divorce” and that means your friends will take sides and believe me they will take sides. If you are even thinking that life would be better divorced please think again. I truly do miss just being with Connor everyday and it was even worse when I traveled for work. I implore you to think about it first and yes I will admit that I am happy but only because I am not married to someone but as a parent there is no greater reward then seeing my son everyday.

I am looking forward to this month where I will be giving several talks on “beingconnorsdad” and this is what I want to do as my job but not at all part time, this is what I want to do full time just like being Connor’s dad and Keewee’s as well (yes I can be her dad as well). If you want me to talk to your group please contact me at thomasmaloneyjr@yahoo.com. Now if you would excuse me I have my dog to take out and yes I do even miss that just like Connor’s AM feedings you know when I was a full time dad.