MOVED TO WP

I am in the process of moving the blog over to the website of yesyoucanmotivation.com So please see the blog over there. I will not be updating this site. Thank you for all who have read my blog I owe all of you a big thank you.

-Tommy

Do you believe in miracles…

This coming weekend of October 2, 3 is going to be a mile stone in Connor’s life and mine. This will be the second time that I have ever seen him play a organized sport and I can not figure out who is more nervous or excited, him or me. Last year I saw Connor play a flag football game where he ran the ball one time and the rest he was well he was on the field at least. Last November I took him to one of the rinks where I worked and he and I went skating and he did great. Well he enjoyed it so much (years of me begging for him to skate and all he ever heard was from his mom that she fell and he was scared he was going to fall) that for most of the summer we have gone skating almost every Friday night (and yes I was the oldest person on the ice).

Well I signed him up to play hockey this year and his season starts with practice this Saturday and either a game or more practice on Sunday. Again this is very exciting and nerve racking for me because I want him to do well and also have fun. This past weekend the hockey organization that we are now a part of had a learn to play hockey clinic both Saturday and Sunday and yes folks we were there both days. What a great time Connor had but it was so cool to watch him skate with a puck and well it made me so proud to see him learn a new skill.

This might be a broken record for some of you but for others I set a goal this year to spend more time with Connor because of the crazy travel schedule I had up until this March. I not only get to pick him up on Friday’s whether he is with me the weekend or not but I am also at the school on Fridays volunteering in the gym class with MR L. I wish all of you could see MR L in action as the schools physical education teacher, he is so passionate about helping out these kids not only as a teacher but a wonderful mentor as well. OK I guess I have a man crush on him so do not even think about emailing me I understand.

I am just a proud dad who is embracing these times together with my son who this past weekend read on my Flip cam the introduction for my speaking presentation on October 4th in Colorado Springs. I know this is selfish but someday all I want is Connor to say that I did a good job with the time we have had together. Is that wrong of me to say? I will let you know how this weekend goes next week Please send happy thoughts to me so I do not mess up to bad next Monday night when I do my program “Breaking the Cycle.”

A Little Update

The last post dealt with a new job opportunity. This project has been pushed back several times and I am doing what I need to do to be a dad and run a business while the so called brains get their act together. I was asked to speak in October to the Colorado Dads organization in Colorado Springs. Here is the link to the website and click on “events” to see what the convention is all about. Please also book mark this website as well www.coloradodads.com. I am thinking to have Connor do my introduction on video for the event.

This has been wonderful these days working on a business that I hope will create a lasting legacy for Connor and who knows maybe my speaking will spark interest that someday he will tell his story. I have also had the opportunity to spend time in Connor’s school. I started last Friday to help out the school’s gym teacher MR. Josh L, and talk about a passion for helping kids become happier and physically fit Josh is the man! He has such a command of the kids no matter the grade. I really got a kick watching him teach the kindergartner kids. Having them be planes to their favorite animals but the bottom line was to get moving and I learned so much from his classes. This Friday I will also be in Connor’s class to read to them. I get to pick out the books and one book that I am going to read to them is a chapter from Og Mandino’s book “The World Greatest Salesman.” Connor and I talked about other books that I am going to bring that have pictures.

Now as far as my business these days, I am still working with Chris and Fett Marketing these days. The business plan is starting to come together and I spoke to a local Optimist club this week where I did video tape it. Please contact me at thomasmaloneyjr@yahoo.com and I will send you the demo I created from that talk. This business is a lot of fun because I get to meet new people every week and I like to serve them with my message. I am also working with an organization called “The Brotherhood of Extraordinary Men” and the website is http://be-men.ning.com. Please check this one out as well or if you have questions please contact me.

I have to tell you that life is great; well wish I was playing more hockey. I hope you enjoy your day and please remember that I am here for you and let me know what I can do. I will leave you with something I just learned and that is Life=Risk.

2 Lows in 1 day.

I am still in shock of what transpired today and with that I also had to break my son’s heart. I want to call this a day of highs and lows but right now as I struggle to finish up homework, today was a low day for me. I do not like to see Connor cry when it comes to his feelings on the inside VS when he is tired and in a crabby mood. When he cry’s because he is sad I am sad for him and what he has had to go through because of not just the divorce but in my opinion and observation of the instability in his life.

In the past month I have had to go through several hoops during the interview process of one company. You currently may or may not know I am trying to venture out on my own as an inspirational speaker, talking about my trials and tribulations of divorce. I have been actually doing well booking talks and getting not only the experience of this speech I have created but the chance to hear other’s telling me their story as well. This past week I had another interview and my mind set has been the fact of really not caring because my passion is all about my new business right now in time. Yesterday I was offered the job after all of this and was not very excited about being on the road again. I love spending time with Connor and these days of sleeping in my own bed is a major bonus as well. Well I asked how long I had to think about this offer and was told that my decision had to be made by close of business today Friday July 23, 2010. There were some issues with how this company handled their travel arrangements that I did not feel comfortable with. I consulted with my mom and we both felt that this travel issue would be a deal breaker so I contacted the company early today to inform them of my decision of thank you for the offer but I will pass on the job. I think the Human Resources person was taken off guard because they seemed a bit shock that I was saying no to them.

I made my case and valid points of why I would not be accepting their offer and was waiting for the response of well ok or even to the extreme of having the HR person hang up on me. Listen I have NEVER had the confidence to negotiate or ever be in a position to negotiate but today was different and really I did not think I was really negotiating but just being honest of the travel situation. Well the HR person said that they are going to see what could be done for me. So even after I said no and I said it a lot they still wanted to hire me. I was now told by the HR person that they will look into this and see what can be done to get me on board for this project. I kept thinking that my demands would NEVER be met and I could focus today on getting my group project for school done and this would be the end of me ever hearing back from this company. Oh Boy was I in for a surprise.

I was heading home from a meeting with my marketing guru Chris K to discuss where I am in my bookings of my talks and a status update of things I was working on for him to help me be more marketable. When my cell phone rang I looked at the number and did recognize it and yes it was my new HR best friend. I had a smile on my face as I was getting ready to hear the words come out of their mouth of something like “sorry but we are not going to change our current policy so thank you for your interest and best of luck” or something to that effect, or even heck I would have been happy with go BLANK yourself. I was not expecting the words of “good news we are going to accept your travel requirements, so how does that sound?” HUH????!!!!!! I was in shock and it got to the point where I was speechless, me, a trainer of going on 13 years and now and a speaker, is now SPEECHLESS! I now had to give them an answer but if it worked once I could simply ask again for time to think about it, yes again HR could not understand I needed time. I was allotted 30 minutes to give a final answer. Ok you might be asking why I could not just give a yes or no right then and their. I first had to speak to my mom and get her help and finally if I did say yes I wanted to talk to Connor in person. Why do I need approval from a seven year old? This outcome would impact his life as well and he deserves to hear from me why I made this decision for us. My mom and I both agreed that the money is currently needed for my finances. Plus I again will save for when the day comes the project is over to be able to build upon what I have already began towards the business.

I now knew what my final decision was going to be so therefore I had to first tell Connor that daddy was going to be back on the road for sometime and I could not take him to hockey. I went to the house where he is watched during the day and he was actually getting ready to get in his mom’s car and well this was NOT good timing to deal with her. I asked if I could speak to Connor and took him across the street on the other side of my car so I could give him the news and once I said that daddy was going to be back on the road, he started to cry. I hate doing this but he says he understood but it will become clearer once he gets his new hockey equipment in a week because this new job I will tell him helping pay for it.

I should be happy that this job has been offered to me but could you? This not only is going to be a job that will create a burning desire of NEVER EVER having to go through this again and by that I mean to set my goal of being a well paid speaker and traveling on days I want to travel. I do not want to hurt Connor like this ever again because I can not control my destiny and I hope that made sense. I am going to again ask for your help by helping me achieve my goal so please I would enjoy very much coming to your place of work, group, and even your house so I can keep getting my message to the masses. Please send me an email at thomasmaloneyjr@yahoo.com. I want to thank you in advance and as Connor would say “do it for the children” it is funnier when he says it.

Day 4 of Chicago tour 2010 a little bit of chillaxing

I need to work on my time management skills so I can have homework done in the morning and that would give me more time to get my blog posted. That way I am not going to bed at 1 AM every night. Well enough of that today was a Chilllaxing day. It was over 100 degrees and plus the humidity so we just stayed in the crib and chilled and relaxed=chillaxing. Connor has never seen the movie “Wizard of Oz” so we watched that today and that was it as far as entertainment today. My dad, Connor, and I ate at a pizza (I know pizza in Chicago?) place that we went to a couple of times last year called Rocco’s. We all had thin crust pizza and I did not think it was as good as I remembered it from last year. Then when we came home Connor was ready for bed, I guess he needed the day off of doing stuff as well. The movie that my dad, his girl friend, and I watched was a classic one that I have never seen but always wanted to “12 Angry Men.” Please go out and buy this movie because it has such a great cast so just do it and as Connor would say “Do it for the children” I have no clue why he says it but it is funny when he does. Well yes I am still VERY sun burnt so thank you for asking. Well Friday Connor and I are headed to see the Cub’s play so looking forward to that. Nothing like true baseball on the North side of Chicago and yes I am currently aware that the Cubs as of today are 9.5 games out and that south side team is in first. However there is still baseball to be played. So until Friday night when I write how great the game was and how the Cub’s won later.

Chicago world tour 2010 To much sun

All I can say right now is OUCH!! I made sure Connor had plenty of sun screen today on for day three of the Chicago 2010 vacation and well I must of forgotten to put some on me. Today we headed to Woodstock Illinois to see my Aunt Nancy and her husband David. Oh and if you do read this please leave a birthday wish for Nancy because Thursday is her birthday. I also need to mention something about Woodstock (no not Snoopy’s friend) and that is this; the movie Groundhog Day was filmed there so there you go a little trivia for you to impress your friends. Well Connor was up around 9 AM with his swim suit and his swim shirt on as well. I told him that we were not leaving for another hour and I still needed to shower and get dressed, oh the world of being a kid. It was like a Christmas morning for him to be able to spend time in the pool. Nancy has a slide for the pool and Connor wanted to do that by him self this year so he was ready to get on the road for all of the excitement that would be in-store for him today. Did I mention yes that I am really sun burnt right now? Well that is really all we did today was spend the WHOLE day in the pool and I am nor REALLY sun burnt right now but I do have a goat of aloe on me but not helping currently. Anyway that is all I really have for today other then, well you know. Tomorrow it will depend on the weather but maybe a trip to The Bean in Millennium Park and hopefully by then the water that is in my ear will be gone. If you will please excuse me I need to lay down now and relax it was a very hard relaxing SUNNY day if you know what I mean.

Chicago 2010 day two

Day two and that Mad Men marathon was my Achilles heal. Stayed up until 1 AM watching it and was hoping to sleep in some. Well when a 7 year old wants to get to the Chicago Lego store because he was promised LAST YEAR well there is no such thing as sleep. Well my dad made us breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast because we were going to go for a good walk today. Chicago in the Summer time is great to people watch but OMG Connor wanted a piggy back ride in this heat. So as I was giving Connor his piggy back ride we got to a beach part near the famous Oak Street beach, and he wanted to go a look for rocks. The water was cold but he did not care. Plus it was a great little break for him. Well once we arrived to the Lego store Connor was on a mission to find the right set. It really did not take him long to find a $130 set (courtesy of grand pa) but it was to big to fit in a suite case so we had it shipped. Connor selected a train set and I can not wait for him and me to work on it back home. He said that he will do the whole thing all by himself so we will see what happens in a couple of weeks when we are together again. After we were in the Lego store we found a store where I could get some Chicago Blackhawks stuff and boy did I. Connor got a new Patrick Kane jersey and a Blackhawks wallet, and yes his grandfather and I put some money in it to start his dollar bill collection. Finally after shopping we headed back home and I needed a little nap. Dad barbequed burgers for Connor and me while my dad and his girl friend Rosie had Salmon burgers. 8:55 PM we were on a bus to go and get ice cream, no really it is home made stuff. Well over all I have eaten WAY to much and I have a bet with Connor that if I gain weight this week he will get five dollars. I might as well pay him in the morning.

Chicago Day 1

Landed in Chicago, Connor and I had uneventful trip. However that kid is just full of life and energy. We took a SUV limo ride to my dad’s and WOW our driver Charles is like the Donald Trump of businesses. He has the limo business as well as; boat tour and handy man business. Connor spent time watching for different out of state license plates. Once we arrived to the apartment I was told that my one and only selfish act of one thing I wanted to do was approved. My dad would take me to this pizza place called Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinder, and the pizza is a true pizza pie. If you ever get the chance please go and try the half pounder. Anyway Connor had a salad and a half pounder and he liked it. I was so proud of him to try new things.

Anyway the evening was a walk back to the apartment with a stop at MC Donald’s for some ice cream. What a good first day here in my home city as I am watching the AMC channel that is doing a “Mad Men” marathon, a show I have never seen but now I am hooked. Tomorrow going to walk along Lake Michigan, Millennium park, Lego store and to see The Bean.

Talk to you tomorrow.

CHICAGO 2010 Day before

Ok well here we go, it is the Chicago World Tour 2010 and right now I just finished up some home work and getting ready to go to bed so I can get up early and pack. Yes I did just type I have not fully packed just yet. I had to help get some music on Connors digital Walkman and that was a chore times 10 but it is done. I am going to write everyday next week to give you an inside look well sort of how each day is going and the highs and lows of each day as well. I will also Tweet some stuff out as well and to see my Tweets I am @motivationbytdm

Later and get ready for the ride of your life.

Tommy

Part Time Dad

There are times when I feel like a part time dad and does it make me less of a parent? Let me toss this statistic I learned while doing research for my speaking talks these days. In a marriage if a man leaves the women then it takes the women 5 years to recover. Now if the woman leaves the man it takes the man 10 years to recover. Listen I have better things to worry about and focus on then being dumped and trying to analyze where the marriage went wrong. So back to my point though because here is something that I would rather focus on and that is trying to be a better dad.

This weekend became another time spent with my son Connor having arguments about not wanting to stay at my house the whole time and the constant whining (him not me). I have written about this before about communication between you and you kid (s). One day Connor asked why I don’t call him everyday and I said that I did not think he wanted to talk everyday because there are times he would tell me he has nothing to say and we hang up. He said that he wants me to call everyday and so I do really try. He and his mother went to the state of cheese (no not California) for a week and I only received two calls while they were gone. I know why don’t I call him then? Well his mother and I have set a standard when they are on vacation and that is when Connor wants to talk to me they will call me. I have said this before and I understand that he is a “momma’s boy” and I understand that I have been relegated to a “part time dad” since I only have him every other weekend. I have also learned that anything longer then a Friday to Sunday is like a year to a seven year old.

I was so excited the day a friend Denise whose dog had a litter of puppies and was coming to the house with “Blackie” an Australian Shepherded. We had a Boxer named “Madison” that turned out to be more of an “A” personality then my ex wife. Funny story (well to me it is) was that my ex wife was at the top of the stairs and Madison was at the bottom, Madison looked at my ex and just stood there and peed. I still laugh because the ex picked out Madison and thought that this was going to be her dog. Well it turned out Madison and I were bonding better but unfortunately the human “A” personality determined that Madison had to go, and she ended up going to a very good home off of a golf course and a family who had Boxer’s before. So I was hoping that “Blackie” would be my dog. Well Blackie was so sweet the day she came to the house and we all fell in Love with her and so Blackie stayed but the name went bye to “Keewee.” I bring this story up because I am less then a part time dog owner these days. I actually have Keewee here with me this week and it means a lot to me to be able to still bond with her. She is the dog I always wanted because just like when I was a stay at home dad and I would take Connor with me every place, Keewee and I did the same. She is so sweet and very protective of Connor and that bond is so strong when you see how crazy Keewee can get if Connor is out of her site. I at times miss these so called “full time jobs” in my life.

I am at a loss and I try to think about the times I would visit my dad on weekends. I do remember that my dad had the patience of a saint when we would go to the local FAO Schwartz toy store as he stood there while I would try and choose one new toy car or airplane for the weekend to play with. I try and use those moments with Connor but lately to me it just seems I am not only loosing the battle but the war. Then the out-come will be that he will refuse to come and see me and I do not want that to happen. This weekend I had to take away his street hockey goalie equipment away because he and I got into an argument and I had to send him to his room. Then that lead to him not listening to me when I told him to go back into his room until I said it is ok to come out. Well he ended up having to stay in his room for two hours on Saturday. Like I said, this has been a recurrence the weekends we are together because there are times I feel in his head I am going to let him get away with his attitude but when reality sets in he is wrong and wants to go back home.

This is why I feel that I am just a part timer these days as a parent. I remember having part time jobs and when you go back to work you miss out on information because you are not there on a consistence basis day in and out. I was the one who was asked to move out of the house and I might be paranoid but I think Connor thinks that this was my idea. Like I said it is just my imagination but by not being in his life physically day in and out I miss out on stuff that to full time parents would take for granted. If you are reading this as a full time parent then hug your spouse, your kids, your family pet’s, and even your friends. Why your friends? When you get divorced there is something called “Community Divorce” and that means your friends will take sides and believe me they will take sides. If you are even thinking that life would be better divorced please think again. I truly do miss just being with Connor everyday and it was even worse when I traveled for work. I implore you to think about it first and yes I will admit that I am happy but only because I am not married to someone but as a parent there is no greater reward then seeing my son everyday.

I am looking forward to this month where I will be giving several talks on “beingconnorsdad” and this is what I want to do as my job but not at all part time, this is what I want to do full time just like being Connor’s dad and Keewee’s as well (yes I can be her dad as well). If you want me to talk to your group please contact me at thomasmaloneyjr@yahoo.com. Now if you would excuse me I have my dog to take out and yes I do even miss that just like Connor’s AM feedings you know when I was a full time dad.

Father's Day Recap

I really wish that you as a dad were able to have a great father’s day with you children. I am still on the high from a fun filled weekend last week. I picked up Connor early on Friday from his friends house and had a surprise in the back of my head that I was not sure if it was spoiling the kid is where I wanted to go down this path but hey what the heck. When Connor was able to see me play hockey a few weeks ago I thought that I should get the kid his own pair of skates. Once Connor got into the car he was telling me about his day being spent at the Denver Mint (I want to go on that tour) and in the middle of him telling me what he saw he asked if we were going to the hockey store? I had promised him that if he was good on the night of my hockey game for me and my girl friend Angie that I would get him a hockey goalie stick, since that is what he loves to play when he is over here at my house. A while ago I bought him some street hockey gear. Anyway I told him yes that he was a good boy that night and we were going to get a stick for him. Once we got to the hockey store, oh what the heck a big shout out to Player’s Bench in Westminster CO, for their great customer service. Connor picked out a stick (of course not the cheapest one) the sales gentleman asked if there was anything else we needed and I told him that I would look at skates for my guy right here. It was a face that could of light up the planet, Connor was a little in shock and it just made my heart melt. Well we got the skates and then what did we do next? Went to McDonald’s before doing what? That is right we were going ice skating that night oh and we also went the next day. I first took Connor ice skating last November and he was a natural at it. Plus he loves to do it and so the next step is well you guessed it HOCKEY.

Sunday for father’s day Connor, Angie, Angie’s dad Bruce, and I went to Colorado Springs to see the “Sky Sox’s” play. The Sky Sox’s are the Colorado Rockies AAA team. I did not know until after recently going to my mom’s side family reunion I have a cousin Erin, who was VERY gracious to get us tickets for the game. Now here are some dad bonus points that I got because of Erin. The team opened up the outfield to the fans so we could play catch with our kids COOL! Prior to getting into the game the team was also giving away baseball mitts for the kids. What a great day at the ball park with Connor. Before we left for the game Connor and Angie gave me a scrap book for father’s day that hey both put together but it is not totally finished yet. Once the pictures are developed from father’s day weekend they can finish it up. So again what a very good weekend and I do have to tell you that Erin made a great impression with Connor because she had this foam finger that she gave to Connor. A year ago for father’s day it was not a good day because I was still thinking I was the victim and this year a total reverse, very happy weekend.

One of the hardest situations to deal with as a divorced dad is when Connor and his mom go on vacation. The reason why it difficult is there is a lack of communication between Connor and I. We don’t talk on the phone when he is gone because he is having a good time and I feel that his mom does not want me to interfere with his fun time. Plus I am aware that he is a momma’s boy and misses her more then me and again I get it because I went through the same thing. This is just one of those things that are very much out of my control. She is the one who raises him and takes care of him 99 percent of the time. So one little piece of advice for you dad’s out there is that your kids are going to miss their mom. Get over it and let it go, please for your health and the kids as well. I do get mad that Connor wants to call his mom during the weekend’s that we are together but they have a special bond that is on a different level and yes it hurts but it is life. Listen guy’s we can all say that we married the wrong person or have regrets about all of this, just think about not having a relationship with your children. We could tell our children how much their mom is what ever, but we don’t and should not ever, EVER tell our kids why we dislike their mom’s. That is not fair to them and that conversation does not need to come up until maybe when they ask and are older to fully understand. Just remember that marriage is all about communication and it is not one way. So again I dislike when Connor is on vacation but I know he is having fun with his family there. Heck he even brought his golf clubs as well.

Lastly I need a favor. Do you belong to some type of club or organization that hires speakers? I have started to speak about my passion and that is going through divorce as a child to an adult and building my relationship and bond with Connor. Please contact me at thomasmaloneyjr@yahoo.com so we can arrange something. Thank you for your help it is very much appreciated.

“Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.”
- H. Jackson Brown Jr.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

I just want to “riff” with you about a goal I had set for 2010. I write besides this blog another one at yesyoucanmotivation.blogspot.com. In that blog this year I wrote all of my goals, and the one I wanted to do more then anything was to spend more time with my son Connor. I was so tired physically and mentally these past two years. I was just drained between going through the divorce in 2008, living in hotels (I will talk about this some more soon), and being out of shape. I missed having a so called normal life where coming home meant a home. Part of 2009 when I came back to Denver for a weekend I had Connor it meant staying in a hotel. I can not tell you what a drag it is to be in a hotel seven days a week. For Connor at first he thought it was great because I always made sure we had a swimming pool, and that is the funny part HE CAN’T SWIM back then. As of this week he has been taking lessons. I hated my life because it was so out of control at the time.

Divorce sucks and I felt like the victim here and I was not it was Connor. I hated life since I could not do the things dads should be doing with their kid’s and the hardest part was that almost a month after I moved out my ex had her boyfriend moved in. I am over it and I understand that I was not the person she wanted to marry. Again I am over it and the advice my mom kept trying to tell me was the negative energy was being wasted. I do believe we all need time to morn a loss, but mine went on way to long. I did not really understand what kind of a burden I was, so it cost me several friendships because again I thought I was the victim.

Well let me tell you that my goal has been achieved and I mean big time achieved. Not only have I spent time at Connor’s school but I have been able to pick him up during the week and yes there are times that he wanted to go home by Saturday. The last entry I wrote was about field day and how much fun I had there getting to meet other parents as well as seeing ones that I knew. I need to tell you this quick story. Connor’s Kindergarten teacher walked by and I said hello to her, she turned to me and asked how Connor was doing and I said great. Here is why I find this now (not last year) funny. I went to school last year for a parent teacher conference and just lost it, meaning I had a bit of a break down and cried (oh and cried) right in front of this wonderful teacher. She knew what was going on as far as the divorce but I was so embarrassed at that moment in time. Anyway I think that is the only way she remembers me is from that prolific day. However these are moments not only for Connor but for me as well. It is better to live those moments then in my past have to hear them on the phone in my hotel room.

The past two Monday’s I have had the opportunity to play hockey and how I have missed it! I was playing at a rink that I had not played at before, so the first game I needed to check out the rink because… This past Monday my girlfriend Angie came to the game also since she is a hockey fan (lucky for me) and she could watch Connor for me as well. Connor and I drove down to the rink and for me the cool thing was that when we got out of the car he wanted to carry my sticks. Ok for some of you it might be sappy but as a dad it was super cool. He hung out with me in the locker room (Angie told me he thought that was cool for him) as I stretched out. It is very funny for me to see Connor and Angie together because it is like watching a brother and a sister (they both have issues with turning lights off and taking their shoes off in my house). Anyway at one point in the game the action was taking place at the other end of the rink so I was watching Connor and he was so focused on the game. I was just lost for a moment seeing him and yes my friends I wanted to cry.

Please understand that with my previous jobs I lost out on so many moments of my son’s life. I still have a voice mail that he left me about making a basket at his basketball game. I have never seen him play basketball, Soccer and I was only at one of his flag football games. We take life for granted to much and forget that life is not a dress rehearsal. After the hockey game (oh and yes we won 3-2 in a shoot out) I said to the team in the locker room, thank you for making that a special night because Connor does not remember the times I played when he was a baby but you know what? He will remember this one.

To all of you parents out there or who have to play either roles or anyone who is a guardian:
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY

Field Day 2010

I have to tell you what a terrific day I had at “Field day 2010” at Connor’s school. This was the first year I was able to attend since I was traveling the past two years. I need to mention to you a quick story though. During the hour long lunch the kids were able to have today I heard a dad talking about traveling for work and saying he was done. This guy was so hatefully about the rigors of travel, he was speaking to one of the teachers explaining how much he had to miss in his child’s life. I just wanted to go over and hug him. I thought when I first started to travel for work that my ex wife wanted me to do because it incorporated two variables that she wanted in MY work life; first was the money and second she would not need to deal with me and my little quirks. However I put my needs of the travel and her needs of the money in front of what was best for Connor. Well today really opened my eyes of things I have missed out.

I was a volunteer for the “Field Day” and WOW not only did it turn out to be a perfect day but the kids had a blast getting to be outside and just having fun. Now I was a volunteer for one of the events, a bean bag toss game and to me getting to hang with the kids was inspiring to volunteer my time more next school year. Please if you are a parent reading this take the time to spend in your child’s school or just volunteer period. Plus it was so cool to just encourage all of the kids when it was their turn to toss the bean bag. However the extra exciting part was encouraging the kids I knew also. I just had this kind of pride that because I knew this kid but at the same time a bit of sadness because their parents were unable to attend this marvelous day to see them being silly.

I have honestly had my own self doubts about being a dad and I think that is why one of my passions is to write about being a dad. I say I had self doubts because for the past two years as I was trying to figure out who I was with the life style of traveling, the parenting part has not come easy for me. I admire the dad’s who do make it look so easy but I know it is work, very rewarding but work. On my Twitter account I sent a message to Darren Hardy who is the editor of Success Magazine because he was asking what business I was creating and I told him that I want to be a paid speaker. Anyway I also wrote to him that he and others, who I look up to, make it look so easy of creating a business and being successful at it. I know it is dedication to be a better parent when not only when you have the typical both parents in one household, but coming from the aspect of being an every other weekend dad is tough. I have been very fortunate that since being home I have had more time to spend with Connor and creating memories not only for him but for me as well is a great journey to be on. My inner doubts stem from the fact that I am in my own words a part time dad so I do not get to experience Connor’s daily life. Last week my mom asked me “what cereal Connor likes?” and I new it was “Lucky Charms” but I was not 100% correct and also did not want to tell “MS. Fitness is my life.” I told my mom that I make Connor either pancakes or scrambled eggs when he is here. I feel like such a bad parent and do I really have an excuse? Do you know what the favorite cereal your kids eat?

Like I said what a great day today was and if my career was the same these are the things I would have missed out on again and again. Today was about creating memories but not necessary for Connor but more for me and how I too can reflect back when Connor asks me about my memories of today. I will tell him that teaching the kids about the bean bag game, getting to meet other parents, and of course just being there will be talked about for many years to come. I am happy to be out of work these days and getting to see Connor more and more then traveling and missing out on his life. Yes I know “DUH” but until you have lived that life you need to realize one thing and that is what I will leave you with as another “DUH” and that is LOVE YOUR FAMILY.

Memories

I love my dad (love you dad) but unfortunately there are more bad memories then good ones. What I mean is this; I remember the day my dad left my mom and me, I remember the day of one of my soccer games and he said he was going to be there, and I remember times when my mom and dad had major arguments on the phone. Let’s talk about the positive stuff because that to me is why we are here. I still have a great memory of the day when my dad was a chaperone for a field trip to one of Chicago’s newspapers. I can not tell you the feeling of having YOUR parent with you on a special day like that, and the lasting visuals as well.

Let’s fast forward to the current and my chance to be a positive influence on my son. Tomorrow I will be at Connor’s school to help out during lunch time, and what that means is that while his teacher is having her lunch I will be monitoring the kids. This is the second time THIS week I have done this. I spoke to Connor tonight and told him that I would see him tomorrow and he said “no I won’t” and I explained to him that yes he will and why he will. I was nearly in tears as I listened to him screaming saying ‘YEA” on the phone. My dad was not always there for me in my early days but he did teach me without knowing it, the vital importance of just being there no matter how small of a time frame it is.

I have struggled since being divorced with trying to have the most memorable weekend instead of focusing on quality of the weekend. You see up until March of this year I was on the road nearly the past two years straight due to work. Connor’s time with me was sacrificed by my crazy travel schedule. There were several times that my flights were late on a Friday night and therefore I could not pick him up until the next day. Again he made sacrifices without really realizing it. That is why I need to remind myself the need to spend time in his world to create those what I hope are lasting memories. I will be honest and do not want to hear stories of my ex wife’s boyfriend while driving in the car to where ever we are going because I do not want those to become memories. I am lucky that this man is good to MY son, but I will NEVER let him replace me as Connor’s dad. That is why as a dad we need to be so much a part of our children’s lives one way or another. As fathers it is critical to put work AFTER your child’s needs. Yes it does pay the bills however your time in their life is far more important then sealing a deal.

Next week is the last week of school for Connor, and I am going to be there for his “Field Day” and do you know why? Yes you do but I will tell you anyway. The reason is because I can and the best part is also I want to. Oh and he and I are going on not one but two vacations together this year. I can not tell you that I still remember the vacations my dad took me on and guess what? I hope Connor remembers them as well; if not at least there was fun somehow and someway VS memories of his parents screaming at each other on the phone.

A Divorced Dad's Journey

A Divorced Dad’s Journey is the title because it has been a struggle and I want to share not only what it has been like but what changes I have made to my inner self since being divorced. Like several of you dad’s out there, you did not expect to be single again. I for one heard the stories and read the statistics of not only getting married with the divorce rate, but if your parents were divorced you have a high chance as well. I said throw out the stats and bring on the marriage. WOW I was wrong but the positive spin to this was having my son Connor and the happiness he has brought to my world.

The picture you see is of three generations; my dad, my son, and me. This is a special picture to me because it represents Connor’s first trip to my home city of Chicago. It was also our first trip together on an airplane. He had been on trips with his mom however I had at that time a very hectic travel schedule. Anyway that is why I have chosen this picture for the blog.

I look forward to writing about the mistakes that I have made while trying to be a parent and also share being a child of divorce to let you know what I went through growing up in that environment. I also want to talk to about even though I do live very close to my son, over the past two years I traveled for my job Sunday’s-Friday’s so there were many moments that I missed out on do to that crazy schedule. One other aspect I want to discuss is the relationship that I have with my parents. My mom had to play both roles and it was not until later in life where my dad and I connected. However my relationship with both of them had good and bad times but I can honestly say I won the lottery with these two amazing people. I also have to include another member of the family and that is my step-dad who is also a parent but is my hero when it comes to pre bedtime naps.

I want to leave you with one tip that I got from watching the DVD “The Secret” and that is to keep a small rock in your pocket. Connor gave me this rock one day at his school when I was spending the day there volunteering. I kept that rock in my pocket when I was at work and if I was having a bad day. I would then just put my hand in my pocket and think of Connor and it would change my down mood with a smile on my face. I currently take the rock with me when I go on job interviews to help me keep calm.

Well there you have it and thank you for coming by to check this blog out and I hope you keep coming back each week. You can also follow me on Twitter to see when I have a new post not only to this blog but the others I currently write. Have a great day anytime you are with your kids and remember one little piece of advice and that is they did not asked to be brought into this world so love who they are.